Sometimes, I question why They let me know this, as it’s buried deep in the hivemind, but the Vex have to come from somewhere, right? I always suspected They weren’t self-created, that there was some kind of mother source giving birth to Them, so to speak. And, well. There is one, or was. I cannot say what happened to Her; that is forbidden to speak about. But I have seen Her, or what remains of Her. Let’s just say there’s a reason totems of undying look the way they do.
And I didn’t understand for a long time why the Vex didn’t just want me to build them a temple of Their own back in season five. Scar and I would have done it. It could have been a great honor to build Them a temple worthy of Their greatness. But They kept talking about Wels’ cathedral. It was like They were fixated upon it for some reason. They knew nothing of Christianity as far as I was aware, but somehow They were drawn to the place. So when the time was right, we took it over, and it became the ConVex Cathedral, decked out in all its glory.
I don’t remember any of the process of building it, and what we were driven to change or leave alone, but that’s to be expected. But I do remember being in there later with Scar and taking it all in. Seeing the offering tables, the high priest, the Vex face on the ceiling. So much of it made sense, except for the cross on the wall behind the altar. It’d have thought They’d just remove it, or cover it up at least, but the Vex scolded me for that thought.
For a long time, They didn’t tell me why. I kept wondering why They’d even want it there. There was no Vex Jesus that I was aware of. But They wanted it there, and in time, They told me why.
For the Vex, it reminds Them of totems of undying, and totems of undying are actually made to resemble the Vex Mother, not a villager as some commonly think. They said She was a witch who was cast out from the village, and in Her rage, gave life to the form that would ultimately become the Vex. They are… vague about this and how it happened.
The impression I got was that the rage She brought down on the village mixed with Her magical power and She became a Vex. The Vex, or so it is said. She is the reason witches became hostile to villagers and joined patrols. Before that time, witches were tolerated and lived in vllages. Afterwards, they were run out and settled in swamps, which is now their home.
She is the one who created the Vex as living beings, and as an energy source, to Evokers who were creatures with similar powers to witches. Before then, in fact, they were not called Evokers until they could harness the power of the Vexes. This became their specialty, as only the Vex mother ever learned to wield Vex power. Other witches never wanted to handle them and were happy with their potions.
She also created and mastered the secrets to undying, and taught these to the Evokers. If you’re expecting me to spill, then you’ll be disappointed. The methods needed to create totems of undying are forbidden knowledge. I don’t know anything about them except that for the Vex, they are symbols of devotion. Reminders of the mother who birthed them. And yet, even as Vexes, Scar and I are denied this knowledge about Her, and what happened to Her. It took long enough to convince Them to let me see… It isn’t a grave, not really. She is undying, as much as She is dead. I can’t explain it. There was a lot They refused to explain as I looked at Her. I wasn’t allowed to touch Her either. And I suspect if I say any more, They’ll get mad. This place, it is holy and sacred, but not a place of pilgrimage. It is cared for, protected, guarded, forgotten, forbidden. A place you don’t, and never should, go. I made Them take away my memory of how to get there from me, just so I don’t end up back there again. No one needs to see that place.
So I look at totems now and I see the Vex mother, but I also see many unfathomable mysteries reflected in its gold and emerald eyes. In some ways, I feel like I've already said too much. That even this is too much information to commit to writing, given all the taboos surrounding Her. But then again, maybe They wouldn’t have let me write this at all since I’m a Vex, but I’m not a Vex, but more like a kind of Evoker, and while this book may not be read by anyone outside of the hivemind, there’s still danger in writing too much.
I’m not sure how much of this Scar knows, either. He’s better at just going along with things and doesn’t have all the curiosity I have to want to know more.
What I do know about the origins of the Vex is that it sounds like egregore magic, that perhaps She - intentionally or otherwise - created a being tied to Her that, given enough energy and attention, became the Vex. That’s the only thing that makes sense to me, given how little They will tell me.
I dunno, maybe it’s like, so old no one really remembers anymore. Or the story’s changed so much that what They tell me now is just what They believe. I don’t think there’s necessarily anything wrong with that. The Vex tell me They’ve lived for millenia; the Vex are also known to lie when it suits Them. Does it matter, really? Nah, not really. I know some of it’s true, but there’s so much that’s simply unprovable at this point.
There must be something in it though. It definitely explains why the Vex are so protective of Their Evokers. That’s Their legacy. Their origin. They’re so wrapped up in each other’s histories that you can’t separate them. Maybe that’s a good thing.
I mean, I’ve often sat here wondering how I became Pharaoh. It’s not like it’s something I asked for. All I knew was that I wanted to build that pyramid, and at some point after I arrived in the desert, something… happened. Something I still can’t explain. Like, I’m not one for religion, but something got me out there. From the dreams to the visions to the burning pain when - how do I even explain it? I’m not sure I can. All I know is that I became a god, and everything changed. I am a divine soul in a mortal body, an old body, and I’m very well cognizant of the fact that I’m building my own tomb.
Maybe the Vex are aware of this. Maybe that’s why They’ve been urging me to write all of this down. I’m dying, and with me would die a lot of Vex knowledge that Scar doesn’t have. If I don’t write it down now, he’ll be lost once the old man finally goes west.
I don’t think that’ll necessarily be a bad thing, though. This body is old and tired. Magic disguises it, of course, but I feel it. It’s bone deep. I just have to keep on writing and building and maybe one day I’ll learn all the secrets of the Vex and come out triumphant, a magician - a god! - so powerful he’s unstoppable. By my will may it be so.